Is it bad...

Is it bad that I can't think of a "setback you have encountered in your life." For my essay? Does not getting married before the age of 20 count as a "setback." Because that’s really the only thing I've got going on... setback wise. haha. Tonight I have a delicious dinner out with Jen Bailey. And again if you know me at all, you know she is one of my favorite people in the world. So i was thrilled. And at dinner she restored my hope in finding a husband. And she told me what she would do if she could go back, and she said she wouldn't change much except for the worrying. She told me to stop worrying about getting married or being successful. And just make a plan and stick to it.  So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to plan out my major…maybe kind of think about a mission. And then do it. Work hard, follow the commandments, stuff like that. And let life happen. But in the mean time…

Here is a (short) list of things I need my future husband to be: Adventurous, in his food, clothing, and world travel. Funny, because laughing is my favorite. Provider, someone who is goal driven, and has big dreams. And Father, because I’m someday going to have some super sweet children- that will hopefully have big heads like my little Bridge.

(If you find this person…let me know. Willing to travel.)

also if anyone thinks of a "setback" I have encountered...please let me know!

Here is a short photo montage of Bridger's life. :)

And yes I know he is just 3, and these pictures were all taken in like 2 years of those 3. But look how much he has grown. What a baby!! haha

hugs and kisses. martha.

Moments.

Psych is one of my favorite shows. I would marry Shawn in a heartbeat- even if he has gained weight. :) And If you watch it you know Gus is a "sympathy crier." haha and I love it. Because I totally realized I'm a sympathy crier too. I mean yes, I cry often for myself too. ( I love a good pity party). But the majority of the times I cry (or tear up) its because I'm watching a movie when someone cries, or someone who is talking to me- or near me is crying. Or if someone or something really happy happens I cry.
And one such event happened today.
Today I watched a man, I've grown up watching pass the sacrament. This man is married and has three children, his wife has always been a member but he never was. He came every week, sat with his family, and even supported his wife and children in church activities. He eventually decided to take the missionary discussions, and is now baptized. I don't know this family very well or anything. I have just always been a distant observer of them. My mom always says there two kids look just like me and dirk when we were little. But anyways. Today was his first time blessing the sacrament. And as I looked up after his prayer on the water. I looked at a grown man with the smiling face of a child. He looked so happy I couldn't help but smile. And after seeing his face I followed his eyes to his son, who was passing the sacrament. And as he turned to the congregation I saw his face, where the same HUGE smile was smeared across his face. ( I often do creepy things). But after witnessing this Perfect Moment, I was grateful. Grateful that I saw that moment, grateful that I have a worthy father, and brother, and grateful that I have the gospel in my life. Because of beautiful moments like this I have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know this Church is true. I know my Savior loves me. And I know that someday I will live with him, again.

This is just TO cute to not post.

martha mae.

Need to Be: Thankful

Today I spend a good hour or so painting with Kayla and Julene. And it was so great, and peaceful. I loved it, and need to do more of that.
Then with in like 10 minutes of being done I began thinking those horrid words "I want one."
Now I often say this as a joke, when I see a hot boy, or an ugly sweater. But then I also say it a lot, and really mean it. I wouldn't say I'm materialist but I often get really close to that line. And then I think of India, and then all that I do have, and then all the things I actually need before this thing I want, and then I remember I'm poor.

So tonight I'm making my list, and checking it, hopefully more than twice. :)

I'm grateful for:
Kayla, and all the laughs we share together (specifically dance parties)
My mom, for being my constant role model and a reality checker
My sister, for being my everything. Helper, friend, co-worker, model, sister.
My father, for believing in me more than I do.
My Camden :) She cares so much, and gives me all of her heart. Couldn't ask for more.
My new car.
My house, and how small and cozy, and clean it is.
Zachary, for his friendship, and for when you made me feel beautiful, and loved.
Spencer Hardy, for teaching me how to live, and specifically love in the moment.
India, for having amazing food, and for teaching me endless things.
Movies, for letting me live my life through them.
Chuck Bass, for making those "good girls go bad" :)
Cute clothes, and how they make me feel
Curled Hair.
My grandparent, both sets- and for being completely different.
Alyssa, for inspiring me to be a cuter person.
Sweet Jobs, that allow you to work with your friends, and make strangers friends as well (Mark)
Photography, and the joy it bring to my life.
That bad moods only last for a day (two tops).
Rain. And the beautiful green it produces.
All the wood girls. For always making me feel comfortable at there home.
CHRISTMAS
Annie's Potatoes.
Good food in general.
The Bailey family, my bridge man, Jen, and Scott.
Nursery and all the hugs included.
Bubbles.
Music
Harry Potter, and all books that make me want to read.
Lord of the Rings
My education
Andy Lowery, for making me laugh. Hard.
Laser Tag, and amazing friend who come with.
Justin, for adding excitement (regardless of how small) into my life
Alexis, for saying the right thing at the right time.
Jasmine Star and her workshop, for pushing me harder.
Hard decisions, for allowing growth
Dirk and Courtney, for showing me what forgiveness and repentance are.
Writers of Pushing Daisies, Psych, What I Like About You, and Community
Blogs. So I can think through my life and get it all out.
Prayer
Family outings.
Amy Grant Christmas
Doctors, for having the ability to give my mom a regular heart beat again.
...

love.

 Martha

forgot again.

What does that say about me? If I go out for Indian food, get all excited when I know what things are on the menu- then go to the grocery store find 3 things that I know what they are and eat while in India... Then get all excited, enough to post about it on fbook, text Sisi, make promises, and then proceed to forget about the reason I went to India.
I told myself I was going to write them (the children) this Sunday. Sit down and actually write Soniya, Basha, Balakumar....but I didn't. I read blogs, watched movies, and tv shows. And worked on a Photo book for Dirk and Courtney's wedding. Which they then proceeded to come over decide they liked nothing about and have now decided to do it themselves. So that was less than productive.
I'm now blogging about not writing them instead of once again just writing them.
I. am. so. dumb.

I did however decide to pick up my camera and shoot- nothing important at all, but its the principle of shooting.
So here you can see the delicious treats I picked up at the Indian Grocery store.

I also couldn't even stop myself from eating those darn bananas for long enough to shoot the photo.

so here is to actually accomplishing, REAL things tomorrow.
cheers.

"So Let Go. Let Go."

Warning: this is obviously way to long to actually read. This post is pretty much just for me. So just skip it. :)

I don't handle loss well. I know this about myself. But recently it has been worse than ever. Being home my world becomes a lot smaller. I can count my friends on one hand, and the number of people I see in a day on the  other. My world encompasses Great Harvest, my home, and a small handful of young families homes as well. And recently there have been some major changes to this small world of mine. Great Harvest is pretty much like my family business. I have worked there since High school, and its like a second (or third or fourth) home. We have always have a love/ hate relationship. But lets get serious I love it there. So the reason Great Harvest is like a home is because I adopted these people I worked with into my life. First Pat and Delena- I worshiped them in high school. They were like best friends that worked together, and Delena introduced me to one tree hill, and they both made me special treats on Saturday mornings. And I loved working with them. Pat passed away probably 2 years ago, and then Delena stopped driving the hour and a half to get to the store everyday and got another job. Then I became close to Dani, she has a brilliant accent and a gorgeous son- what's not to love. I slowly went from being afraid of her, to wanting to marry her son just so she could be my mother-in-law. Work with Dani was easy, fun, and oh so delicious. Then Tammy replaced me when I went back to school, and when I came back to work she just loved me from the beginning and I loved her. Tammy is also the best. She is quick, funny, and always matches. Then there is Jane, I'd describe her as a demanding sweetheart, stuck in her ways... but many of you probably know her as "the slow, older lady." I love Jane, even though few do at the store. This is because A. she is like my grandma, always giving adorable advice. B. Always charming the old men. And C. keeping things the same at the store. This is oddly key. I've worked at Great Harvest for like 3 almost 4 years on and off, and the reason I can do this is because not much changes. Occasionally we will add or take away a bread, but the layout off the bags, knifes, and almost everything else in the store stays the same. So i can always find things- it is great.
But anyways the reason I'm telling you all of this is mainly so I remember. and secondly because they all just left me. Tammy and Dani gave their two weeks notice the same day. And only bothered to tell me about it the day after. I was seriously in shock. I didn't believe that Tammy would stay forever- as she doesn't even like eating our bread. But Dani- she has been at the store since before Craig owned it. Dani and Great Harvest are synonymous in my mind. So her leaving- let alone in two weeks- just turned my whole world upside down. I get it now, and really I only wanted her to stay for me. But she is starting her own business, a pizza store, and I'm sure its going to be adorable and delicious. And then Jane put in her two weeks only a week later and now they are all gone. On Dani and Jane's last days I literally teared up. Yes this is overly dramatic, and yes I felt retarded. But it happened and I miss them both terribly, already. I'm going to miss Jane's "well hmms" and "so's" and repetitive reminders about the soup. And I'm going to miss daily updates on Dani's children- specifically Charles :). And I miss the consistency that they  both brought, and I miss Dani's talking to the buzzer, and her speaking to the Swiss customers in German. And I'm going to miss them all just knowing all of our regular customers. Yes I know some of them but not all by name. And going anywhere is so much more special if each morning you are greeted by a "Morning Liz, the usual cup of coffee?" But life goes on, and peoples lives continue, and so will mine. It's obviously just going to take me a while to get over this.
Plus throw in the fact that my Kitten is probably going to be taken to the pound/ put down tomorrow. And you get a fairly emotional Martha. So this is me handling with it, all of it. My kitten is sick, and prolonging his life maybe isn't the nicest thing to do, and yes Scotty is just a Cat. But I have had him and Sophia for almost 6 years so just let me be emotional about this. haha It's fine. My mom told me today that now when I'm thinking about getting pets in my own family I have to be prepared to make these kind of decisions, but I don't think I will ever be able to. I need to be able to blame someone else- guess my husband will have to take over that job. Because obviously I'm owning Cat's. haha And I'm obviously getting married so it's less obvious I'm a crazy Cat lady. Well I love my bitten and hope he is happier in Heaven.
And I hope Jane loves being retired, and I hope Tammy loves wearing her fancy clothes to her desk job, and I truly hope Dani loves owning her own store, and I hope they are wildly successful and bring better pizza to Rexburg ID.

xoxo Martha

p.s. I have no pictures with Dani, Jane or Tammy. And obviously that is extremely upsetting to me- so hopefully I'll remember to bring my camera to their goodbye party on Thursday.
But her is one of me and my kitten- taken tonight.

Falling for Fall

I love Fall, I love the way the trees overnight change colors, the leaves cover the streets, and the weather changes to perfect jacket weather. And I love Jackets.

Plus I just finished looking at these photos I took just for fun- which I haven't done in a while. So i decided to share a few here.

p.s.
I love ARASHI
It always works...bad mood. Play Arashi.
Instantly happier. :)

"Why don't you go blog about it"- My Mother

haha I love my family. Here is the story behind the title....don't worry its short. Today was YW's in Excellence which normally wouldn't mean anything to me. But my sister planned and carried out the entire event- as her project. And if you know my sister planning anything is a big deal to her, and stresses her out a LOT. So I decided to go and be there to support and help things go smoothly. So it started around 4:30, julene walks in from class and immediately starts stressing about the speakers, and the projector and blah blah blah. I quickly convince her everything is fine, and has been taken care of. I then convince her to drop everything and watch a movie with me. Correction- not just "a" movie but THE BEST ONE EVER! haha Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, such a classic. haha I'm positive that is not the right word for it, but its great.
So back to Julene. We watch the movie, she loves it, and I mean loves loves it. So she doesn't even care that is suddenly 6:30 and we were supposed to leave at 6:20. Its fine. She even quickly prints out the programs and cuts them up, and puts them next to the pile of stuff to bring. I see them on the table and get a feeling that I should probably do something with those. But then I obviously don't. We get there- without the programs. Julene freaks out. Then realizes she didn't really need them in the first place, and chills. We get home. I pick up the programs and take them to my mom and say "I even had a feeling I should personally do something with these, but didn't." and my mom replies "Why don't you go blog about it." haha And coming from my mom that means she is disappointed with my not following a prompting, and would like me to think about it some more. So this is me, blogging about it. And since thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that I was supposed to not bring them so Julene good have a good- letting the small things go- moment. Because she obviously needs more of those. :)

Also I feel like I'm pulling an Alexis, haha I've lost the need to hangout with friends. I'm really more content just staying at home. Its easier, often more fun, and won't last forever. So I'm following the example of my extremely intelligent, beautiful, and super awesome friend. (I love you Alexis).

So many great things about this photo. First me and my mom have like the same face- and its kind of freaky. Second I'm wearing my crazy jacket.  Third my mom is wearing crazy large Canada Olympics mittens, that are ridiculous. And forth- yes that is for sure Frank driving up to see us taking pictures of ourselves on our Sunday afternoon walk. haha

much love. Martha

You're So Cupid!

As I sat on the swing going back and forth I realized how lucky I am, to have a sister- especially one younger than me. I watched as they ran around the playground, Edith chasing her older sister... repeating every movement and sound her older sister made. Then I watched Bridge standing there watching their every move, studying it. I think he is going to love being a brother...given a big bossy brother, but a brother non the less! And that reminded me of my brother. He just got married and is already off on his honeymoon. And he isn't here to steal my tv or room anymore. But he also isn't here to laugh till we cry during out Thursday Night tv time. And he wont be there to keep unplugging my tooth brush right after I unplugged his and plugged my own charger in! I'll miss that. It may only be me who thinks this is a fun game...But I love it!
Anyways this past weekend was stressful, crazy and so much fun. My sister goes crazy when she has a task to organize, and my mom is also the same way. And then my dad is a calm worrier, he will send me silent emails all day about the same thing, but won't bring it up until he sends several emails without responds. I think I am like my dad in this respect. I calmly freaked out all day about the weather and the photos, and the fact that I was completely unprepared, unsuccessful, and TOTALLY FREAKING OUT. I changed my gmail status because that is more of my way of reaching out to people than walking up to my mom, or dad, or friend and telling then that. Yes, this is sad. But true. But since I am a calm freaker-out-er. I like to distract my sister from her craziness. Like at the rehearsal dinner, my sister was freaking out about some detail so I decided to just attack her and sing some crazy song. And although she tried to continue what she was doing she couldn't resist and she began to sing  with me and even started crazy sword fighting with Spencer. It was wonderful. Unproductive, but wonderful. My mom is harder to do this with, but this is the reason I love my sister so much. Even though she gets annoyed with me....if I just push her a little farther with that annoyance she laughs, and follows that time tested saying "if you can't beat em, join em." haha
So long story short, I'm so glad we are still those little girls on the playground. But I'm even more glad/ grateful that I'm now old enough to appreciate and enjoy it.
So here is to lessons learned on the playground. Sisters. Brothers. Sister-in-laws. And Tool Bags! haha (different story).

Cheers

xoxo Martha.

p.s. You my readers/ basically camden are the first to see these wedding photos. (sad thing is- first one/ my favorite is one my sister took) Fail.

Kaleidoscope Heart

So I'm doing the whole....listen to music that makes me feel a certain way so I can pretend like I'm so much cooler than I actually am. And tonight it is... yes you may have guessed it Sara's newest CD. Also I want to buy this CD, I never actually buy music. But Laura Blattener had the CD (in the case) in her car. And I was like "what a beautiful CD". So I'm going to buy it. Like the actual CD...be jealous.
So I've now written like 5 different sentences and then deleted them. So instead of writing something pretty lame. I think I'll just recommend you all go and listen to this CD.

http://www.sarabmusic.com/us/discography

xoxo Martha

p.s. Community was super funny- but what made it SO great this week was watching it with my mom. And looking over at her while tears clouded my vision and seeing my mom laughing just as hard as me. Loved it.

Mixed Feelings

I hate this mixed feeling of wanting to be alone all the time, and then when I am...wanting someone to sit beside me.
Like tonight for instance I was watch a movie....alone. I was fine until I realized I was alone, and not really by choice. So then I was there sitting in my living room feeling sorry for myself. And in runs my sister yelling "I have to pee." And then I was no longer alone and I was happy again. Then 5-10 minutes later she was sitting there saying "Thats not realistic" about the movie. There is nothing I hate more than when people point out that movies are not realistic. Realism isn't entertaining. When was the last time someone paid to have someone tell them what the real world is like. Uh we're all living in the real world...I watch movies to escape the real world.
So thats when I wished I was alone again.

Vicious circle.

Also I need to find a balance between work and totally vegetation. I am either hard at work, running here and there. Or I am sitting on my computer in front of the TV.

Balance is what I need to find in my life. I just wish I had my own room to find it in. But I also wish my sister didn't think I hated her, because I want my own room so badly. I love her and obviously  love spending time with her, I just need my own place. I slept in the room that used to be mine for the past 3 days. Since my brother was in NYC. And it was wonderful, now I remember why I picked that room in the first place. It has the most amazing window, and the light just pours in perfectly. So if I looked just right I could see past all the wedding gifts and the pink and brown ribbon and see the window I loved to sit in...alone.  18 days till its mine again. Can't wait.

Hopefully then...or before then I can find balance. Till then I'll just have to pretend like having my own car makes everything better. (because it does....right?!)

till next time,

love from the homeless girl. martha.

miss it.

I miss being THAT happy all the time.

editing photos tonight, and I feel overwhelmed.
My mom was saying tonight how this was a once in a life-time experience. And that overwhelms me. I need to see these children again, I need to go to India again. I know India, and Rising Star don't need me...but I think I need them.

Why can't I love as purely and as fully as they love. Why can't I give as much of myself as they give.
I don't know...but I wish I would learn.

love (because I need to more).

Martha

Oh so struggled like.

I can't explain it, I just feel weird and confused and I don't like it.
I have been home from India for 5 days now, and I still don't know where my camera is. Now this might seem normal in the grand picture of life. But being a Photo major...its not a good sign. I literally have not touched my Camera is almost a full month. Which is not good. I don't know why I am so hesitant to find it now. I have already thought on several occasions that I should just take it out and shoot like my own backyard. But I think I'm afraid. I had gone these past three weeks excusing my horrible photos by saying I only had a crappy camera. When in all truth I had my mom's point and shoot, which is a pretty nice camera. Bob Cook takes award winning photos with the same camera. So it more comes down to me just sucking. And I'm afraid that is going to carry on over to my other camera. And I'm going to realize what a huge mistake this whole Photography thing is. As part of this freak out, tonight I told Dirk and Courtney and my mother that then need to find a different photographer. And that I can't do it. Which is true. They tried to reassure me. And tell me that they honestly don't care that much about their wedding photos. But everyone cares about their wedding photos. And everyones number one regret from their weddings is always the photographer. I don't want to be Dirk and Courtney's one regret. Also thats just way to much pressure for a little 19 year old as me. (Yes I realize I will be 20 in 14 days, but its fine). I'm just freaking out.
On the other hand I'm glad I didn't bring my camera to India, because I have spent the last three weeks just seeing things. Not trying to seem the in the most artistic way, or finding the best angle. I have just appreciated them the way I saw them. This is another reason I'm scared to bring out my camera again. I'm afraid I live for the photo, and don't photograph the way I live. If that makes any sense at all.
Also what am I doing with my life. I have the opportunity to get an amazing education, and get a very successful job, one people would kill for in India. But no I'm majoring in Studio Fine Art. And doing photography- something I do not need a degree for, and probably will never be extremely successful at.
Okay so sorry about the freak out, and really sorry if you just read all that. Here is one of thousands of crappy photos I took in India...enjoy.

No problem is my new Mantra. So no problem if I'm not successful in life. No problem that I'm totally going to screw up dirk and Courtney's wedding photos. No Problem.

short, sweet, and messy.

Today was an amazing day. But tonight I witnessed something epic. We had a "Cheer off/ Dance off" And it was awesome. We were all a little tired from the day so we needed someone to get the party started. So we made Katie (one of the session directors- and the girl who has been teaching dance classes at the school) do a impromptu dance. And she literally went on for two full songs. Of just pure bliss dancing. I LOVED it. I honestly love watching people dance. And watching Katie's mind just spill out into these beautiful moves it was amazing! Then it got more epic- if that was even possible. But Sisi got up and danced with her, together they just danced and danced. I probably watched them dance- alone with added Ryen, who doesn't even dance just does Yoga- there little hearts out for an hour straight. I loved it. I honestly feel like an idiot even trying to explain what happened in words. But if you haven't even seen someone just dance- to dance its one of the wonders of the world. Katie is amazing because light and happiness just shoot from her. I have never heard her say an unkind thing. Yet she is so down to earth and normal. And so humble- for someone who can dance like she can. Its amazing. They weren't dancing to show off, they continued even when it was only two of us still watching. It was doing something completely for them, and without a care or thought of what anyone else thought. I wish I was that confident and creative, and ohhhh to be that talented. I would kill. (jk).
But seriously that is my new goal. To be so determined to make myself happy- no matter who is watching. Or what people think about me, or what I'm doing. My goal is to live for me, and be my best self- So I can then help others the best way I can.

Love. A very tired, but extremely happy Martha.

p.s. Sorry this post was so crazy. I don't have the will power to complete my thoughts or use real sentences.

p.p.s This picture has nothing to do with the post. It is only because you all know I can't post without a photo. And Harikrishnan makes me oh so happy as well.

Its weird.

First its weird being here. Actually being in India, with all these people I just met, but now suddenly feel like I've known for a while. Its also weird being able to post this while in India. It just seems like I should be less connected out here. But they encourage us to blog so thats what I'm doing.
The other weird thing is going back and reading my old blogs. I honestly never remember half the things I write, and half the time I'm embarrassed I wrote those things, and the other half I think I'm funny. :) Anyways I recommend everyone does it, its kind of fun.
So being in India. I've only had one day with the kids, but they keep shocking me. First I can't believe how easy it is to communicate with them. They all know at least some English, but communication is so much more than words. While tutoring I would just give them a look or a smile. And they knew exactly what I was trying to communicate.
They are also all so smart. Even if some of them are just really smart with how they cheat and copy each other. haha.
Oh and Alexis asked me who Sisi was, she is the girl that approached me when she found out we had the same flight from Frankfurt. We had several phone conversations and facebook messages. But then we met for the first time in Germany, and it was pretty much an instant friendship. She is super funny, and we just laugh and laugh together. She is also the friend everyone likes to have around because she laughs at pretty much everything. She is also not a member but we have decided to just tell everyone she goes to BYU- Miami. She is Cuban but doesn't really look it. Not that I have a huge grasp on what all Cubans look like. But she is super awesome. And I want you all to meet her someday.
Here is a photo:

Also all the children think its the funniest thing her name is "C C" and have decided to rename her See saw. love it.

Mood swing

Somedays I think in blogs, I think "hey I should blog about this." or " I would feel better after blogging this out" or "I have new pictures and I'd really like people to tell me they think they are awesome, because I don't really love them." or even " I'm bored why don't I blog something."

Today was one of those days. So as I thought in blogs today I thought I would throw together one for you/ mainly for me.
Well it was a crazy day, not for anyone else I don't think, but for me is was a world wind or emotion. So false this kind of started last night. I got off the bus, with mixed feelings of being excited to be home, and yet missing the vacation I had just come from. I came inside, and life was the same. I don't really know how to describe how I felt without sounding like an egocentric b. But I kind of felt like the only thing my roommates were excited to see was my keys. And really why should they be excited to see me. A. it was only like 4 days, and B. we're not best friends or anything.
Anyways once I got to my room, I has a sudden rush of things I had to get done. I was overwhelmed, tired, and had super hairy legs. :)
So I quickly found my tooth paste, and brushed my teeth. Changed the time of my alarm to 7am. And went to bed.
I woke up, in a panic at 7:50. I don't know how my body does it, but it always seems to wake me up in just enough time to get me wherever I'm going totally stressed out.
Photography starts at 8, and I wasn't going to be late, again. So I put on some new clothes, grabbed my computer, memory card, and an apple and ran out the door. Literally. Got there at 8:07.
Then I proceeded to wait another 40 minutes for a computer to open up.
I sat and pondered all the things I could have done in that 40 minutes, shower, eat, shave my legs!!! But I finally got my photos printed. And as usual I have one I like, and one he likes. Neither are anything special. Which brought me to my next stressful thought. I can't be a photographer, as a profession. Yes this is a regular recurring thought. And one I never had when thinking about becoming a Teacher, it was never a question of if I could do it, but more if I wanted to. Which I'm still pretty positive the answer is still no. So what is better? To work towards something I can't do, or to work towards something I don't want to do?
Who knows. NOT me.

So after that I ran home, with no time left to shower before the rest of my dad, so I quickly did some math homework. Hoping I was somewhat caught up at least in that class. But no. I get to class and I'm a whole section behind everyone. and although this is for sure not the first time this has happened. I became more stressed. Of course then the girl next to me proceeded to tell me we only have one more week of real school. Which sent me into a tiny panic attack. Not sure why. I don't have any huge projects, or presentations. But things ending always stresses me out.
Then after math I went to Art History, where my teacher tested us on new names of the Art pieces I had been studying hours prior. So I'm 90 percent sure I got a 60 percent on that test.
I tried to calm myself down, reminding myself I had finished the test and that it didn't matter anymore. But I couldn't, I took deep breathes, began reading my book, and sat on the curb to wait for Kayla.
She could tell I was stressed, but suggested Olive Garden.
Which sounded wonderful, except my other stress. Money. Pretty much thats all I have to say on the subject. As well as I hate not having any of it. And feeling like a horrible friend/ person/ daughter.

But that brings me to the mood swing part. I decided that showering was the best thing to start with, so I did. And I felt at least 99% better as soon as I did.

So Lesson learned, Martha needs daily showers. (and to actually turn on her alarm).

Kayla did my hair, very cute I might add, and then we went to olive garden, and to Winco. So I'm all better now.
Glad thing I don't get stressed often. I'm not very good at dealing with it.

Goals:
Make more money, and never go so long without a job.
Find more music, I always just let people give me music. But I like cutesy music. So I should just find the stuff I like, and listen to it.
Organize all my photos. Don't break another computer by over filling it.
Look into other careers. While trying harder at photography.
Get cuter clothes
and work out so I look cute, in those clothes.
Eat better.
Read my scriptures.

The End. xoxo MD.



Just because I can't have a post with just words. And none of my mediocre photos would load!!!! plus he is so hot :) and Just had a Birthday.

I REALLY can't blame it on a war.

“I can’t even blame it on the war- I was never very good at men, was I?” The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

I just first wanted to announce how grown up I am. I'm actually reading a book recommended by my mother. It helped that the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert gave it such raving reviews.

But I love this line in the book. Mainly because I'd never thought about it. After so many men die in the war, there must be a full generation of single mothers, and girls who just never marry. That's so crazy. And yes you have full permission to laugh, that this is the first time I've thought of this. But its fine. (haha camden).

So I've officially fell in love with reading. Yes it took me so much longer than it should have. But hey better late than never right?! I also decided I'm thoroughly grateful for my children's lit class. I think it was the best way possible to redo my childhood, and make up for all those hours of NOT reading. In case I haven't already shown you my Library blog. haha here it is. http://marthaslibrary.blogspot.com/ This is pretty much the majority of what I did last semester. Also I need to give full credit to Camden, because she did like half of the entries. shh don't tell my teacher! haha You should also not read any of it. Because like 53 of the 63 posts are all BS. I mean I read all the books, but I had to make them long enough so I just ramble in all of them. But Sister Steiner felt like it was good. (got a 100%). haha

anywho. I really want to like start a book club, but I know it wont work. Because A. I don't live near any of you. And B. we all have school and no time to read. and C. Then we would be like our parents and thats just freaky and weird. :)

xoxo MD.

Oh and BTW I miss mi amigos.


p.s. Camden you're super tan here. But I personally think you're just a hot in those Seattle pictures, you took last weekend!

Weekend Update with Martha

So I'm really not sure what it is, but not having Internet always makes me want to blog. This weekend I went down to Salt Lake City for my cousin Monica's Wedding. At first me and Dylan were going to "represent the family" at the wedding. But then my mom decided to come down, and Tasha, and Jerry's whole family. Which may mean nothing to you. But that's like someone flying to Portland for the weekend, when they live in Africa. haha okay maybe not that extreme. But my Uncle Jerry has 9 children. They only brought 7, as Silvia and Callie are super young. But I have only met like 5 of the 9, so it was a big deal. Plus they were all babies last time I saw them. Jerry the oldest is a genius, and has a girl friend. So cute. And then there is Colin he is so studly, and probably secretly has a girl friend too. Then Tanner, who is also tall dark and handsome (maybe I'm bias, but I've got a really good looking family). Then Brandon, who is a total gem, we all exchanged phone numbers. And he texted me when they got off the plane, and I just love him. Then comes Ashton, she is 11, and we have the same shoe size, she is a blonde beauty. We got matching flip flops and she switched me shoes when my heels started killing my feet, so she is a life saver. Seth is next, he is super funny because he is the second to youngest boy. But he likes to pretend like he is the oldest. Seth is also crazy, we had a family get together the night before with Pizza and cookies and he jumped off the balcony (because he didn't want to be in our group photo- he was still in it). And after crazy Seth, is Clarke. He is named Clarke, because he was born while my aunt Christy was battling Cancer, so he is the miracle Clarke Kent baby. And I just fell in love with him. First we had a camera battle, he would run away and I would chase him. He won. I got no good ones of him. haha Then we bonded in the bathroom, because he was hiding in there and I found him and so we just talked while sitting on the floor. He then told me that 10 times 10 is 100. He is in kindergarten. And I may be bias again, but I feel like he is the smartest Kindergarten EVER. :) And I'm really sad I didn't get to meet the two baby girls, but someday I will. I made them all promise they would come back up for my wedding. (but that's likely to never happen).
Anyways so that was the most exciting. But added on top of that I got to see my cousins Anne and Evan. They are twins but nothing like each other. Anne is this super hot, confident, gorgeous woman. Evan is also good looking, haha, but you kind of have to pull information out of him. But it was fun having my big camera and getting him to smile. Evan also has a girl friend. We texted about it, while in the same room. hahaha. But hey communication is communication regardless if its through a phone. Then there is DYLAN (made it easy to find your name dyl). We hangout all the time, so it was nothing special to see him. haha But we did have shrimp tacos, which were so good, and we did share a chair, and then we went to Sushi which was also SO delicious. And Dylan ordered for me, so hopefully the waitress doesn't think were dating, haha. That would be so embarrassing. Derek and River were there too, they are pretty cute together. But I'm still a little sad him and Camden aren't getting married. But it's okay, I can't control everything. haha.
Basically I just love my whole family and really can't talk about all of them.
But since Monica was the one getting Married I should probably mention how gorgeous she was. And so happy. I love happy people, especially those getting married. Her husband's name is James, so I guess he is my new cousin too. They are off on a cruise, so hope they are having a wonderful time.

Okay so I have other things I want to blog, but this is already excessive, so I'll stop.

xoxo
Martha

p.s. I know my title is cheesy, but Jake asked me who my dream guy was today. And Seth Myers was the first none married person I could think of. Love him.

I really want to beat up my roommate.

Natalie Hill's Status today: Can't understand why people can't seem to follow the honor code. You've made a committment to follow those rules while attending this school. If you can't even stick to small rules about no flip flops how in the world do you expect to stick to BIG committments? Food for thought.

(one of like 20 today)

Also I have 20 more examples of why I might fight her. If you'd like them.

also I love Jasmine Star. I know I say it all the time and probably way to much. But I've never had a hero like her. She is awesome!



xoxo Martha

Fear

I'm not afraid of a lot of things. I used to be, but not any more. Ever since getting my Patriarchal blessing I have added strength, and... hope, I guess could be the right word. However I do fear sometimes.
As you all should know by now, I LOVE couples. I love seeing people hold hands, look at each other with a huge smile, and laugh. I love it when couples laugh together. So tonight, like all Friday nights I blog. I'm doing nothing. Kayla had a shower, so I stayed home and watched One Tree Hill (3 episodes). So if I sound like super dramatic tonight. I apologize in advance, its the tree hill talking.
Also I hope my new roommate A. Never reads this, and B. Isn't super creep-ed out if she does. But Shiloh and her boyfriend Trevor are adorable. They aren't like super mussy, but they laugh and kiss, and hold each other. The thing I love so much about Shiloh and Trevor is, they are so much alike. They are both cultured, witty, caring, and just beautiful people. Especially Shiloh, she is gorgeous.
So you might be wondering why this blog is titled fear, as I ramble on about this couple I oh so creepily adore. Well the thing I fear most is not having what they have. Its not that I don't think I'll ever get married, but I'm afraid it will be a marriage that is held together by counseling, or children. I know this is probably a crazy thing to think about right now. But it scares me. I mean how do you find someone so perfect for you. And I know the prophets have said that with the Lord you can make any marriage WORK. But I don't want just a working Marriage. I want an epic, love filled, eternal, happy, romantic, gospel centered, finish each others sentences kind of marriage. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! haha
That's what I fear, I fear that THAT is tooo much to ask.

I think that's why I love couples so much, I love seeing people together and happy. Because then I know at least someone is having that epic, happy, romantic moment, at least. And I feel happy for them. So bring on the PDA. I love it.
Also I love saying love, and I love you.
Kayla & Dylan think its over used, but really how could such a phrase be over used. I mean obviously it means different things, and I'm sure people say it when they don't mean it. But for all the Love our Heavenly Father has for us, and the love I have for my family, and friends. I really don't think its possible to say it enough.

So with that, I'll just say
I love you, and you, and you.





Thanks for reading.

sduiafloexhf

So I keep thinking of things I want to blog about. But none of them are actual things. So just prepare yourself for a string of random things.

a. I really don't feel like I am cool enough to have this camera right now.
It's fairly hard to take blurry images with this camera, but I managed to take like 1000 tonight. awesome.
b. I love my math teacher (got a 92% on the test, I took today)
c. Me and Kayla work out everyday except Sunday (and occasionally Friday)
d. I hate finishing books, I know that's probably super crazy. But I think of them like tv shows, after all this time and commitment I have put into them, they end.
e. I love that I still find time to read, for FUN!
f. I can't believe I just had to say the alphabet to remember what letter came after e.
g. New love for sliced, canned, peaches. (hopefully my bedspread loves them too, because I dropped one on it)
h. Feel so legit, going hot tubbing at my own apartment complex. So fun, after a good work out.
i. Really need to learn how to use my ISO
j. I also need to learn how to pick up guys. Emily and Andy are making me bring a date to our dinner next weekend, and I honestly couldn't think of anyone to ask. So luckily our adorable friend Jake offered to go with me. So I'm forever grateful.
k. Love my roommates
l. My FHE brother Joe is crazy awesome, okay so mainly crazy. (he speaks Spanish, randomly and often; is super intense, and got stood up twice this weekend.)
m. I'm suddenly super poor, and hate it- more than anything.
n. I should probably stop with these random thoughts.



z. I love you all.

xoxo Martha Mae

I Moved!

So I haven't blogged in a while, for my standards. And I think thats a really good thing. I realized its because A. I have less time. (because I'm doing semi social things). and B. I'm HAPPY. My world is good, I have friends (or at least I consider them friends), I walk to class and wave to like 3 people on the way. Yes they all may be acquaintances but I feel like I belong. Like I finally really know what I'm doing. So not only have I not wrote on my blog recently I also haven't been reading my blogs as religiously. Yesterday I did my catching up, and finally had to just give up, because there were just TOO MANY I hadn't read. I like my new roommates. Were not like Best friends but were comfortable, and I feel like I have a level of understanding with all of them.
So let me introduce 108,
First there is Shilo (bedroom 1) she is loud, and hilarious. Today she was doing an excellent british accent as she yelled something about needing to clean her room. She is the only one with a boyfriend, and although Kayla doesn't like him. I think they are perfect for each other, and adorable together. (but I often think that).
Then Tiffany (bedroom 2) and Shilo's friend. She is totally chill, and extremely patient. By that I mean Shilo is really loud and is often yelling, for no reason at all. Its sometimes funny, and other times its really not. But Tiffany just tells her to shut up and laughs.
Michelle (bedroom 3) and our favorite. Michelle has a whole album on facebook full of horse pictures. But its not like she is a crazy and talks about them all the time (or ever). Michelle is super great, because she is totally chill, and funny. Michelle also has a crazy friend who just walks into our apartment. I kind of love it. Michelle also has a wounded arm (I don't think its broken anymore) she got it sledding on the sabbath. :)
Then there is Natalie (bedroom 4) and right next to mine. Natalie started off as our favorite (mainly because Michelle was still recovering from surgery with her mom). However the more you get to know Natalie, the more you get to KNOW Natalie. I love it when people feel comfortable enough to just come back to my room and chat, however I never really know what to say when Natalie does. Like last night for example, she told us every funny thing that has happened in the scriptures. And it wasn't as funny as she thought it was. haha anyways she is cool and from England. So we are all practicing our English accents for our Tea party.
Then there is me and Kayla, and you know us.
Except you probably wont even recognize us the next time you see us. Because we will be so hot (were working out everyday).

Well Kayla is out of the shower and I really need to shower!
Peace. Love. and Happiness.

MD.

Ohh Jake.

So as you all know I'm a frequent reader of Mormon Bachelor Pad. And they had a contest for a dress, so I entered, and guess what. A guy won it, so that's ridiculous. But Zach told me, he was talking to Jake(ish- because that's not his real name, and I'm not even sure they are real people). Anyways I told Zach to tell him that he was my favorite, because well he totally is, and that he should give the dress to me. Not that freak guy. So Jake said he couldn't give me the dress, but that he would send me a t-shirt if I sent him a link to my blog about about him.


So here it is Jake.

Reasons you are my favorite:
1. You're not Calvin
2. You seem sincere and actually like girls.
3. Not gay like Calvin
4. Funny
5. I feel like you are super hot.
6. Love how you write long run-on sentences to prove your point.
ex: "Well if Claire and Daisy were empty shells that didn't talk, think, or have a personality of any kind. If their only purpose was to cook, clean, massage my feet after a hard days work, massage my feet after sleeping in on a day that I didn't have to work, change dirty diapers, pick up dog doo, massage my shoulders after my soccer games, accompany me to social functions at which people would judge me based off of the shell that rested on my arm, oh, and to procreate"(MBP).
7. I love that you are more of a story teller, than a ranter (like calvin)
8. I love that you were so ready to just move and raise a family with sanders.
9. Jake is such a hot person name, so nice choice!
10. And I love that you actually kind of fall in like (I don't know about love)with girls.

Also, Jake just so you know this is what you look like in my mind.


(sorry to hate on Calvin so much, he is just kind of a huge tool. But its super nice of you to be friends with him)

In other news, Just did my first engagement shoot and I learned two things.
-need to learn how to shoot pretty kisses
-probably shouldn't bring my mom anymore :)

xoxo
Martha

friday night.

Yes you probably thought reading that title that I was going to tell you about my awesome Friday night, and about how I met this super hot guy (okay so you probably didn't think that) because well lets face it. You know me. And what would I do on a Friday night?
I would sit in the empty bedroom on my apartment, in the dark, and look out the window while it snowed and snowed. And I read blog after blog.

In case you didn't guess that, and now just think I'm this super emo, crazy person. Just know this is just me. At home its the back porch on a cold dark night. Here is sometimes the church past the big house. And sometimes its just the moments I brush my teeth- in the dark.
And no this isn't all I did tonight.
Me and Kayla went to Last Song, which was SO good. Just be ready to cry. Or maybe its just me. Kayla looked over at me during the movie, noticed my eyes were wet, and said "oh martha." I said "you know this about me, its fine."

So while I read like maybe 35 blogs- its been a crazy week, so I've gotten behind.
I made a list. A list of things I like. (yes I do this a lot- its fine its my blog)

Okay so the first one is a dislike.

Don’t really like bridals- a bride with a groom is just odd.
Love Asians- all of the guys (Courtney has over are so nice)
I love darkness, when there is a single source of light
Love me a good/ happy cry
I want to marry ben. http://benchristensenphoto.com/aubreythomas/
I love PDA
And snow when one it doesn’t stay on the ground, and two I’m inside.
Also I love fathers, I know creepiest thing I could possibly say. But I love my own dad, and seeing new fathers with there babies. This is my favorite father I follow. He just has the cutest stinking family ever.
Can't wait till a father is also my lover!

watch. smile. love.

Freezing the Children in the Spring of 2010 from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.

also. here is a couple I fell in love with tonight. Yes I fall in love with couples. Its fine.

meh.

Okay so in my weakened state. I read all my blogs. Which took an hour. I know slow reader and like 20 blogs is not a good combination. But I would like to say its alexis' fault. It really is this time. She made me look up MBP. Which can I just say WWHHAATTT?! haha I wish I didn't know and they had just deleted it forever so I couldn't read anymore. But oh well.
But on the to the real reason for this post. Because no I'm not like gay Busy Bee Lauren and I don't blog about MBP. haha

Tonight I read something that made me sad, only because I know it is so so true. And I'd like to share. And ask for your support and help in this.

One thing I make sure to do when gearing up for a wedding or shoot...I DO NOT look at other photographer's websites or blogs. Sure I keep up with some of my favorites from time to time, but I don't want THEIR images fresh in MY mind before a shoot. I want my mind to be filled with my ideas and my ideas only. Our number one goal is to set ourselves apart in this industry. The minute you stop trying to emulate and be another photographer, the minute you stop obsessing over their blog and images, you will grow by leaps and bounds. I swear by it. Try it for one month and be sure to stop in and tell me how it goes ;)
-Kara Layne

haha so you probably all thought it was actually going to be something sad. But it really is to me. I LOVE looking at wedding photography, just like I love watching people dance. Dancing has never been something i'm good at, but has never stopped my love. Photography is also something I struggle with, however this is something I want/ need/ must get better at. So I'm considering taking Kara's advice. And limiting my wedding blogs. Sticking to only the essentials; obviously Jasmine Star. But this might be to hard. But worth it? Debatable.
Also awesome weekend.
Here is my favorite picture, which also happened to be the first one I took.
Our conversation right before the picture was taken was something to the effect of.
kayla- "I wish this had a bottle in it so people thought I was drinking"
Me- "yeah that would be cool"
haha.

its fine.

Today's Happiness,
Curled my hair, so I felt pretty. I realized I don't often feel really beautiful. I mean don't think I'm off crying in a corner. I have a high self-esteem. But lets just say I'm not relying on my looks to get me far in life. But today I put on my cashmere sweater. And curled my hair.
That's also what made me super happy today. I wore my super awesome/ new cashmere (okay so it's only 5% cashmere) but that is 5 percent more than all my others. And its just so comfy.
Anyways so today was/is Courtney's Birthday. So we get ice cream, tried to throw her a cute little party. But it kind of failed. But its okay because her cute Asian friend Hero (I'm sure its spelt differently) came over and made her, and me, crepes. And was so adorable about it. He had even cut up strawberries, and got nutella, and chocolate sauce and whip cream. And make it all beautiful. And it was basically heaven.
Any who afterwards Kayla came over and we made Courtney this sweet Card with ARASHI on the cover.
Let me explain Arashi, they are a Japanese Boy Band. And they are like the hottest people in Japan. And they also happen to all star in Japanese Dramas. Which me and Kayla (okay mainly me) happen to be super into right now. Because Courtney is always watching them. And you know me. I get sucked in super easily.
So I just wanted to introduce you all to my new Japanese Boy Band crush, Meet Kazunari Ninomiya

However everyone calls him Nino, which is just plain adorable. I just watched like 3 hours of him, its fine. :)
Also if you have seen Letter from Iwo Jima. He is in it.

Andy came over today and asked me who my current crush was, and I didn't have an answer for him. For here is your answer only like 5 hours late.

xoxo
Martha Mae.

under control.

I just wanted to let you all know that I can do it. haha
The semester is almost over, and though I have a lot to do. I have laid it all out. And it is totally manageable. I did waste all yesterday watching an Asian Drama, and my eyes hurt now as a result. But I still got all my homework done. Didn't read both Case Studies in American Foundations- but I never do. And I currently have 3 A's and 3 B's assuming I have an A in Dance. If not I'm going to get violent. haha
Anyways its snowing...yes on March 22 it is currently snowing in Rexburg ID. And this morning was so beautiful (but martha standard of beautiful) which means cloudy with little sun breaks.
But now its just snowing, and of course I wore my TOMS today, so really world?!

anywho. School is under control.


also look how adorable this is. Love flower crowns.
and you. (for reading this)

xoxo
Martha.

Current Thoughts and Feelings.

-Somehow spent 170 dollars in 10 days. How?
-Children's Lit is going to kill me.
-Memorizing Classical music pieces was impossible, yet soothing.
-I wish I used my camera more!
-Often want a boyfriend, but don't have time for one. So I want a date.
-Need to drink more water.
-Struggle with finding time to read scriptures, yet somehow always fit in my 15 blogs everyday.
-Enjoy reading, but hate how painfully slow I am.
-Whitney pretty much no longer lives here, and its effecting our friendship.
-Is it important that I plan a Birthday Party for a roommate I often want to kill?!
-Surprisingly stoked about making my first bracket, for March Madness.
-I actually don't hate math- kind of like it. Only hate it when I suck which happens to be often.
-I have had this video Jasmine Star did open on my computer for like a week now, and watch it almost regularly. It's super creepy. I know.

Since I had so many random things rolling around in my head I decided this would be the easiest.
xoxo Martha.



p.s. You know me. Can't have a post without a picture. And this is the picture I'm currently in love with first because, Alexis showed it to me. This photographer is a total creeper like me, and just captured this awesome moment of two strangers. And third it just beautiful, and in a city, and is love. :)

stressed to the max.

warning: just something i needed to type out. Not important.

So this weekend stupidly I really didn't do a ton of homework. I didn't really do a ton of anything, but that bunch of nothing I did added up to me being totally screwed this up coming week. I have 3 major test all before Thursday. And I don't feel prepared at all. I also keep being reminded how exciting it is because the semester is almost over. But when I hear that all I hear is Martha- you have so much crap to do, you are totally screwed.
So I have been having this feeling that I need to get a priesthood blessing ever since I got sick like a month ago, okay so only like 3 weeks. But the feeling has become more and more strong. Even though I'm getting less and less sick. But today I was thinking I really should ask for one. But couldn't think of anyone I'd feel comfortable asking. I know lots of most likely worthy priesthood holders. But I don't feel like I can inconvenience them with this. But then Kayla's home teachers came over and talked about just that. How its so important that we ask for blessings and even if its just for help on a test.
So obviously Heavenly Father is just screaming at my to just ask for a blessing. But of course I just let another opportunity pass by, and I didn't ask. And tonight I feel completely overwhelmed and not ready at all to take on this week.
Wish me luck.
MD.

p.s. Happy Birthday Big Brother. 21 today.

blessed.

So as anyone who has spent any time with me at all. I'm often super whiny, and my favorite person to whine to is Emily. Because she just laughs at me and says "I know, I know your life is so hard." and I say "So hard." haha and we laugh. And I realized how Amazingly blessed my life it.
For example.
My roommate Emily, is awesome.

I get these cute notes all the time. Love it.
Well I don't want to brag to much about my wonderful roommate and make all ya all jealous. But just so she knows.
Emily, you are my hero, my soundboard, and my friend.
Thank you.
I'm sad to loose you to the real world. But I guess I'm loosing you to a great guy, and a amazing future. So good luck. I love you. And thanks for the note.
Made my Night.

xoxo,
Martha.

eh math smath.

First off I'd like to say I'm not procrastinating. I'm choosing not to do my math homework...right now. Yes it is 9pm and yes I do need to go get Kayla from the airport in like 30 minutes. And I haven't started my math homework. But I just love reading blogs more. So give me a break world. Its fine.
Now I'd like to confess my love for Jasmine Star. First what a legit name. Wish I has such a cool name. sigh. Well life goes on Martha Mae is pretty sweet too. Thank You parents (but I think mostly my mother). Also thoughts..Should the husband really have a say on the baby's name... I think not. I mean sure I'd love his input, but when it really comes down to it. Its what I want. It is my baby after all. :)
Okay back to Jasmine Star. First if you don't know who she is we either probably aren't very good friends, or you just never listen to what I say.
Jasmine Star is married to JD (which it actually kind of bugs me that she calls him that, but thats just because I hate initials) However he is totally cool enough to pull it off. They are a photo magic team, and produce classic, beautiful, dare I say up lifting photos. They really do make me want to be a better person. I realize I sound kind of like a tool right now. But I'm just being real. Photography especially her's just makes me melt. Also she happens to be freaking sweet at giving advice. And this is the letter she wrote to herself on her most recent blog.

Dear Jasmine of Tuesday Morning...
You might have failed last night. You might have bombed. Badly. You might have said something you regretted (okay, let's be real, with your mouth, this will definitely happen), but keep in mind you gave it your best shot. You practiced and put together something that will hopefully help a few people. And if it doesn't...well...if it doesn't, you gave it a good shot. Failure isn't new in your life, and it takes a lot of failures to get to success, so learn and let it go.
Besides, you can always wallow in self-loathing surrounding by pints of Ben&Jerry's...and convince JD to buy you that Canon 35mm, 1.4 you want from the tradeshow floor out of sheer pity.
Love,
Jasmine of Monday Morning

I mean really. She can even give great advice to herself. She is so amazing. Definitely my hero, and the reason I almost booked a flight to Vegas this week. Don't worry all those who read my facebook I'm not actually dropping out (yet) and moving to Vegas.

Okay just picked Kayla up from the airport and felt like I had just left Portland too. Such a sad day. Driving back to Rexburg...always the worse. Also can we talk about how me and kayla left same time (her from salt lake, me from rexburg.) and Met in Idaho Falls about the same time. That is ridiculous. Well enough of that whining.
I love my life. Its pretty close to perfect.

xoxo martha.



p.s. Gossip girl was on tonight, can't wait to watch it tomorrow!!!

Sick Sunday (yes I wrote this yesterday)

So this weekend Me, Kayla, and Dylan took a little road trip up to see We the Kings, Mayday Parade, and We Shot the Moon (who is better not live). haha And it was so much fun! Favorite moments were: getting hugged by "andy's hot friend named zach", watching Kayla get carded for the first time, dancing crazy with Kayla, and of course having David Artchileta come on stage and Kayla saying "who's that?"
Afterwards we went to IHOP which was especially delicious at 11:30 at night. Crepes all around. Andy and Zach came with us, which made it extra fun. I missed having Zach around. We then slept at my Aunts (the person, not the bug) house. That morning bright and early I got up (and accidentally woke up pretty much everyone else) at 7am. We went to bed at 2am. So I'm sorry again everyone. I woke up that early knowing I would only have a couple of hours in Provo. And decided to sneak on over for an early morning movie and Starbucks with Camden. It was perfect. Afterwards we went to brunch with Camden on my lap, and then headed home. Oh after some ice cream for Kayla. It was probably the shortest trip anywhere, but I wouldn't have given up those few hours for anything.
Sorry everyone I didn't see, I knew I wouldn't have time to really do anything there, and since it was such a struggle last time, I decided this is how I should roll. I love you all.
Well after the concert I felt like I had no voice, and even though I couldn't hear. Kayla and Dylan confirmed my voice sounded normal. However today I am for sure sick, and sound similar to a man. haha Which doesn't suck to bad, the fact that my throat is aching so much is killer. My Motherly roommate, Emily, suggest I get some vitamin C and eat some oranges, so I did. And yum. Even though its not all better, its a lot better all ready. I love having Emily around. So beautiful, helpful, and all around awesome person. Don't know what I'm going to do without her. Probably less homework, haha. Well hope everyone is having a fabulous day.

love. Martha

Also almost forgot a picture. Well here is my first blog post on my schools, photographer society blog. I did it late last night. But its supposed to be a CD-cover. I also had to pick my top favorite songs, which took the majority of my time.
This is great motivation to learn how to use Photoshop better.