I have been home from India for 5 days now, and I still don't know where my camera is. Now this might seem normal in the grand picture of life. But being a Photo major...its not a good sign. I literally have not touched my Camera is almost a full month. Which is not good. I don't know why I am so hesitant to find it now. I have already thought on several occasions that I should just take it out and shoot like my own backyard. But I think I'm afraid. I had gone these past three weeks excusing my horrible photos by saying I only had a crappy camera. When in all truth I had my mom's point and shoot, which is a pretty nice camera. Bob Cook takes award winning photos with the same camera. So it more comes down to me just sucking. And I'm afraid that is going to carry on over to my other camera. And I'm going to realize what a huge mistake this whole Photography thing is. As part of this freak out, tonight I told Dirk and Courtney and my mother that then need to find a different photographer. And that I can't do it. Which is true. They tried to reassure me. And tell me that they honestly don't care that much about their wedding photos. But everyone cares about their wedding photos. And everyones number one regret from their weddings is always the photographer. I don't want to be Dirk and Courtney's one regret. Also thats just way to much pressure for a little 19 year old as me. (Yes I realize I will be 20 in 14 days, but its fine). I'm just freaking out.
On the other hand I'm glad I didn't bring my camera to India, because I have spent the last three weeks just seeing things. Not trying to seem the in the most artistic way, or finding the best angle. I have just appreciated them the way I saw them. This is another reason I'm scared to bring out my camera again. I'm afraid I live for the photo, and don't photograph the way I live. If that makes any sense at all.
Also what am I doing with my life. I have the opportunity to get an amazing education, and get a very successful job, one people would kill for in India. But no I'm majoring in Studio Fine Art. And doing photography- something I do not need a degree for, and probably will never be extremely successful at.
Okay so sorry about the freak out, and really sorry if you just read all that. Here is one of thousands of crappy photos I took in India...enjoy.
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