11:11

So since living with Kristin, I love making wishes on 11:11, both am and pm. Its great because I always feel so lucky already to have looked at the clock at that exact moment, and then I get to make a wish.
So judge me how you will but I literally always wished for " A super hot boyfriend." Sometime even being so specific as to say, not really a husband just yet, but a boyfriend.
So then the last three weeks I have kind of struggled, because it would be 11:11 and then I wouldn't know what to wish for, since I already had a super hot boyfriend. haha So now I'm kind of at this dilemma for what to wish for. Is it selfish if I wish for the same thing again, maybe letting Heavenly Father find me a more permanent/ husband now? Also is it silly to think that me making wishes at 11:11 is another way of asking my father for blessings in the form of a husband/ boyfriend?! I don't know. But I think that Heavenly Father loves me and understands me so personally that he just gets it, and knows how much I like making "wishes" that he just blesses me with them.
Anyways just thought I would let you guys know I found the plus side to Marcus breaking up with me- I can now make my 11:11 wish again. haha

xoxo Martha Mae

Learn to Hold my own Hand.

How did I become so depended so quickly? I used to pride myself on my independence- my ability to make myself happy- with no ones help. Now its over, before it really even begun. And I already freaking miss him. Its been less than a day, Martha. He took me to the temple to tell me he didn't think it was healthy. He is right, but I still didn't want to hear it. I am leaving. But not soon enough. It was the sweetest break up (I don't even know that we were ever even really together) maybe ever. But I'm still sad, and I already miss his hand holding mine. He kissed me one last time, and nearly broke my heart.
He isn't even perfect, I know that. We were never getting married, I didn't even want that. But I still feel alone, even though I'm surrounded by way more people than usual. I guess I just need to learn how to hold my own hand for a while. I know I'll be fine soon...but I still don't like this.
Why does he have to be so darn cute?
Well as Kayla and Jay-Z say "I'm on to the next one, on to the next." haha jokes.

xoxo Martha Mae.