He has a Plan.

I did know this. I've always know this. But sometimes, like today I am reminded that My Heavenly Father has a very specific plan. Yes we can choose our path in life, but Heavenly Father is all seeing and all knowing. So he already knows, and if we ask him he will lead us down the right path. I'm home. I've been home for 7 months now, and I get a lot of. When are you going back to school? Or even scarier now, whats your plan now that you're not doing school? Which I am by the way, just to set the record straight.
But its all worth it, because I know I'm supposed to be home this semester, and although I didn't know 100% why when I decided not to, I now do.
Tonight has been oddly wet and tearful night. I honestly rarely cry for myself, what I should say is- I rarely cry because of things directly related to me. But thing after thing tonight has made by eyes water up and become more puffier than the hour before. Don't worry I'm fine, really. Like one thing that made me cry was reading the Rising Star Newsletter. In the Newsletter is had the Rising Star Anthem in it. And just reading it, flooded me with the memory of the children singing it so proudly.
So I thought I would share it with you all here. So you can read it, and picture these precious little Indian children singing it.

"I'm a Rising Star"
by: Shaun Parry
I'm free to be all I can be.
I love life and I love being me.
I can choose to let my light shine.
The World is waiting?
Whose turn is it? Mine!

I will live like the sun sharing light.
I will shine in the darkest of night.
I will laugh, and learn, and through
any strife,
Live a long, happy, healthy, and loving life.

I'm a rising, rising star.
I'm a rising, rising star.
Spread the word near and far.
I'm a rising star.

Let the world know who we are.
We are rising Stars.

I then went to the Rising Star website, and saw they have a direct link to my blog. So that was humbling, and oh so sweet of them. So I started to read my journey there...to see how many errors I really have in the blog. But I was overcome with emotions from my trip, and forgot all about my horrid spelling and incomplete, and probably incomprehensible sentences.

So anyways I just wanted to say how grateful I am, that Heavenly Father has a plan. I know his is a lot better than mine would be. So Lead me, guide me, walk beside me.

xoxo Martha

p.s. I love this song, and although i think the actual sucking out the hearts part is kind of freaky- the dancing is awesome. And the woman who choreographed it, was just at Rising Star a few weeks ago. And thus she is the coolest choreographer on SYTYCD!

Favorite Picture uhh maybe Ever!

This is my favorite photo from the workshop, and I didn't even take it. I had an amazing weekend. And will blog more about it later. But for now.

The Lovely Jasmine, and JD...oh and me! :)

xoxo Martha Mae.

Just kind of messy.

You know you are kind of a mess when tv shows start making you cry. Given this was an exceptionally great tv show, Parenthood. And people on the show started crying first, and we all know I'm a sympathetic crier. But I also teared up at the store the other day, mainly because I was super tired...but partly because I sad for someone else. Seeing their life, even such a small part made me sad. But then I realized they probably don't feel that way, so neither should I. Anyways this sounds crazy without explanation, and I'm again to tired to explain. But I just wanted to blog. I do this dumb thing where I think in blogs, and everything I think is just so important in my life, and that everyone around me should care and read about it. So I try and think of a clever way to blog it...but then I never do. Which is a good thing, because its rarely that important, or clever.
I'm also trying to think less about myself, and focus on serving others, which is a fail by the way. I haven't served anyone, I have only made myself more busy so I don't have time for anything else.
I also really actually do need to think about myself, and more importantly my future, and what degree that includes, and where I need to get this degree, and where I'm going to live, and how I'm going to pay to live there. But none of these things are fun to think about.
anyways I just wanted to say Camden, you are right Parenthood is great. Lorelai is the best, and I'm so happy she plays a similar character.

Well its my new bed time.
and a photo. Because its cute. :)

xoxo Martha.

Is it bad...

Is it bad that I can't think of a "setback you have encountered in your life." For my essay? Does not getting married before the age of 20 count as a "setback." Because that’s really the only thing I've got going on... setback wise. haha. Tonight I have a delicious dinner out with Jen Bailey. And again if you know me at all, you know she is one of my favorite people in the world. So i was thrilled. And at dinner she restored my hope in finding a husband. And she told me what she would do if she could go back, and she said she wouldn't change much except for the worrying. She told me to stop worrying about getting married or being successful. And just make a plan and stick to it.  So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to plan out my major…maybe kind of think about a mission. And then do it. Work hard, follow the commandments, stuff like that. And let life happen. But in the mean time…

Here is a (short) list of things I need my future husband to be: Adventurous, in his food, clothing, and world travel. Funny, because laughing is my favorite. Provider, someone who is goal driven, and has big dreams. And Father, because I’m someday going to have some super sweet children- that will hopefully have big heads like my little Bridge.

(If you find this person…let me know. Willing to travel.)

also if anyone thinks of a "setback" I have encountered...please let me know!

Here is a short photo montage of Bridger's life. :)

And yes I know he is just 3, and these pictures were all taken in like 2 years of those 3. But look how much he has grown. What a baby!! haha

hugs and kisses. martha.

Moments.

Psych is one of my favorite shows. I would marry Shawn in a heartbeat- even if he has gained weight. :) And If you watch it you know Gus is a "sympathy crier." haha and I love it. Because I totally realized I'm a sympathy crier too. I mean yes, I cry often for myself too. ( I love a good pity party). But the majority of the times I cry (or tear up) its because I'm watching a movie when someone cries, or someone who is talking to me- or near me is crying. Or if someone or something really happy happens I cry.
And one such event happened today.
Today I watched a man, I've grown up watching pass the sacrament. This man is married and has three children, his wife has always been a member but he never was. He came every week, sat with his family, and even supported his wife and children in church activities. He eventually decided to take the missionary discussions, and is now baptized. I don't know this family very well or anything. I have just always been a distant observer of them. My mom always says there two kids look just like me and dirk when we were little. But anyways. Today was his first time blessing the sacrament. And as I looked up after his prayer on the water. I looked at a grown man with the smiling face of a child. He looked so happy I couldn't help but smile. And after seeing his face I followed his eyes to his son, who was passing the sacrament. And as he turned to the congregation I saw his face, where the same HUGE smile was smeared across his face. ( I often do creepy things). But after witnessing this Perfect Moment, I was grateful. Grateful that I saw that moment, grateful that I have a worthy father, and brother, and grateful that I have the gospel in my life. Because of beautiful moments like this I have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know this Church is true. I know my Savior loves me. And I know that someday I will live with him, again.

This is just TO cute to not post.

martha mae.

Need to Be: Thankful

Today I spend a good hour or so painting with Kayla and Julene. And it was so great, and peaceful. I loved it, and need to do more of that.
Then with in like 10 minutes of being done I began thinking those horrid words "I want one."
Now I often say this as a joke, when I see a hot boy, or an ugly sweater. But then I also say it a lot, and really mean it. I wouldn't say I'm materialist but I often get really close to that line. And then I think of India, and then all that I do have, and then all the things I actually need before this thing I want, and then I remember I'm poor.

So tonight I'm making my list, and checking it, hopefully more than twice. :)

I'm grateful for:
Kayla, and all the laughs we share together (specifically dance parties)
My mom, for being my constant role model and a reality checker
My sister, for being my everything. Helper, friend, co-worker, model, sister.
My father, for believing in me more than I do.
My Camden :) She cares so much, and gives me all of her heart. Couldn't ask for more.
My new car.
My house, and how small and cozy, and clean it is.
Zachary, for his friendship, and for when you made me feel beautiful, and loved.
Spencer Hardy, for teaching me how to live, and specifically love in the moment.
India, for having amazing food, and for teaching me endless things.
Movies, for letting me live my life through them.
Chuck Bass, for making those "good girls go bad" :)
Cute clothes, and how they make me feel
Curled Hair.
My grandparent, both sets- and for being completely different.
Alyssa, for inspiring me to be a cuter person.
Sweet Jobs, that allow you to work with your friends, and make strangers friends as well (Mark)
Photography, and the joy it bring to my life.
That bad moods only last for a day (two tops).
Rain. And the beautiful green it produces.
All the wood girls. For always making me feel comfortable at there home.
CHRISTMAS
Annie's Potatoes.
Good food in general.
The Bailey family, my bridge man, Jen, and Scott.
Nursery and all the hugs included.
Bubbles.
Music
Harry Potter, and all books that make me want to read.
Lord of the Rings
My education
Andy Lowery, for making me laugh. Hard.
Laser Tag, and amazing friend who come with.
Justin, for adding excitement (regardless of how small) into my life
Alexis, for saying the right thing at the right time.
Jasmine Star and her workshop, for pushing me harder.
Hard decisions, for allowing growth
Dirk and Courtney, for showing me what forgiveness and repentance are.
Writers of Pushing Daisies, Psych, What I Like About You, and Community
Blogs. So I can think through my life and get it all out.
Prayer
Family outings.
Amy Grant Christmas
Doctors, for having the ability to give my mom a regular heart beat again.
...

love.

 Martha

forgot again.

What does that say about me? If I go out for Indian food, get all excited when I know what things are on the menu- then go to the grocery store find 3 things that I know what they are and eat while in India... Then get all excited, enough to post about it on fbook, text Sisi, make promises, and then proceed to forget about the reason I went to India.
I told myself I was going to write them (the children) this Sunday. Sit down and actually write Soniya, Basha, Balakumar....but I didn't. I read blogs, watched movies, and tv shows. And worked on a Photo book for Dirk and Courtney's wedding. Which they then proceeded to come over decide they liked nothing about and have now decided to do it themselves. So that was less than productive.
I'm now blogging about not writing them instead of once again just writing them.
I. am. so. dumb.

I did however decide to pick up my camera and shoot- nothing important at all, but its the principle of shooting.
So here you can see the delicious treats I picked up at the Indian Grocery store.

I also couldn't even stop myself from eating those darn bananas for long enough to shoot the photo.

so here is to actually accomplishing, REAL things tomorrow.
cheers.